Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Guest Editorial: Lisa MacLean Tofts

I would like to introduce a guest editor, Lisa MacLean Tofts. Lisa is from western Canada, and is a full time writer; a novelist, and offers her skills as a ghost writer, technical writer, copywriter, and communications specialist.
I have invited her to this venue to write untethered in the spirit of "The SoapBox" - a place to voice your opinions. I look forward to your feedback, either in comments (below) or da_moderator@live.ca

As with all of my guest writers, I post unedited articles submitted, and their opinions/comments DO NOT reflect the opinions of the editors of "The Soapbox".


Gluten Free Fad Dieters Please Educate Yourselves

As a person living with Celiac Disease, I want to say thank you to all you who have jumped on our wagon.  You have created a frenzy within the gluten-free world. 

To start, I’m not totally bitter, but where were you like 15 years ago when all the people with CD and food allergies were suffering?  Not that CD or food allergies are life threatening, but seriously, it really totally sucks to have it. 
Celiac Disease is a significant medical condition where the person must avoid gluten.  Gluten is found in wheat, barley, oats, rye, and some rice. 

When the person ingests gluten, they get sick.  A food allergy will produce gas, pain, diarrhea, and other gross bodily functions (to get rid of the offender).  With Celiac Disease, the process is a little more complicated and much more painful.  The gluten will actually bore a hole in the intestine.  That, in itself, is a medical oddity:  The gluten makes a tear in the intestine.  So, if other food is ingested and travels through the intestine, it can (and usually does) escape through the hole and out into the body cavity.   This could lead to being absorbed by the “outside skins” of the nearby organs.  And this is very serious stuff.

My problem with all of you Gluten Free dieters (for the sake of the fad) is that you don’t know the severity of the disease you are portraying.  By Kim Kardashianing it saying “I’m like on a gluten-free diet.  Like don’t put any bread on my plate”, you are belittling the rest of us who legitimately have a condition and need the extra special care from the kitchen.


Gluten Free Shampoos, Conditioners and Soaps

Since the advent of the Gluten Free fad, there have been so many products introduced to consumers that, in the past 15 years, have not been heard of.

Case 1: Gluten Free Shampoos, Conditioners and Soaps

This is particularly disturbing to me.  I have Celiac Disease and I need to be Gluten Free.  Now, as I have read everything ever written on Celiac Disease and Gluten allergies, let me clarify this one case for you.

Gluten Free Shampoos, Conditioners and Soaps are totally created based on a myth.  Gluten is not absorbed through the skin.

“Gluten needs to react with intestinal immune cells to initiate the inflammatory process.  You would have to drink a shampoo or skin lotion to cause intestinal damage seen in Celiac Disease.

Similarly, dermatitis herpetiformis, the skin manifestations of Celiac Disease, is not triggered by topical applications of creams and lotions containing gluten.  These potions may aggravate an existing skin condition – or cause an allergic reaction, which is a different disease process – but they cannot cause dermatitis herpetiformis.” (Green & Jones, 273)

I have been using gluten filled *gasp* products on my skin for years and I have had no reaction.  Some people have stated they do have dermatitis herpetiformis (type of eczema) and they believe it is due to Celiac Disease.  I am not arguing that because, yes, this skin condition is one of the ailments of the disease.  What I am saying is that using gluten free products on the outside of the intestine does not trigger a Celiac Disease or gluten allergy response.

Remember, marketing and advertising has been on the side of the business/company.  They exist to make a product.  They need consumers to buy their products.  They will do whatever they can and tell you whatever they can to make you buy their products.

It pays to do your research.

Works Cited:
Green, MD, Peter, and Rory Jones.  Celiac Disease: A Hidden Epidemic.  New York: HarperCollins, 2010.  Print.


When Kids are Quiet

I think this saying is true at any age:  When Kids are Quiet, Trouble is Brewing

Toddler Days

I used to worry if I didn’t hear my toddler at any moment during the day or night.  At night, hopefully she was asleep (not all the time – jeez!) but during the day this was my major source of anxiety.

Any mother knows the feeling you get when you can’t locate your devil-child.  And you just know that something evil is brewing.  That nagging celestial intuitionally feeling does nothing to prepare you for what you’re walking into either.  Pity.

Bullying 200ft Away from Me

Now that these toddler years are over, I thought that awful worrying was done.  I thought, “Hey.  She’s in her room quietly reading or playing a game on her ipad.  No big deal.”  Or so I thought.  

Do you ever wonder how our kids primarily communicate with each other?  I don’t know why I didn’t put it together.  But bullying and its ugly head was 200ft away from me behind a door.

I’m not condoning my daughter’s behavior one bit.  She was part of it, giving it and receiving it.  And she got into major trouble for it.  I sat her (and her brother) down and lectured them about the recent suicides and distress other teens were going through.  And I pointed out that this behavior was to blame.  And I made them cry.  I damaged them – in a good way.

Not only did both of my kids lose privileges (I’m kind of a Hitler in my town), I also showed them suicides-gone-wrong pictures and car accident pictures (to drive home the texting and driving epidemic while I was at it).  I also called the police and talked to them about the legal consequences of this bullying/fighting/arguing/disgusting behavior.  

Pussy Parents:  I’m Gunning for You!

Speaking of the pussy parents… The other parents of the kids involved in this bullying incident either thought it was funny that they were calling each other “whore” “slut” and “cunt” and/or they thought their little lady could do no harm. 

Wake up!  We did it.  THEY ALL DO IT!   

I had to remind not only these kids, but their parents too, how a real lady speaks and how normal, intelligent people communicate with each other.

I’m Not Visiting You in Jail

In 20 years when my neighbors are sitting with their charred offspring during visiting hours at the county jail, I’ll be praising mine in the intellectual world.   I told both my kids I am not visiting them in jail. If they go, they go alone.

I expect my children to go far and beyond all expectations.  I expect my children to have the confidence, poise and integrity to follow every one of their dreams.  And do you know where that starts?  At home.

Think on that one.


Bring Sterilization Back
Seriously, if you have nothing to add/enhance the world with yourself, do not breed.  We don’t need your dense children.

If You Can’t Feed ‘em, Don’t Breed ‘em

Seriously, what do you have to offer the world when you have an IQ of a potato?  Most of these people can’t get their own shiz together, let alone the shiz of their offspring.  And frankly, I think their whole lot is a liability for the rest of us.

And breeding (not multiplying, not reproducing, and certainly not procreating – just old fashioned dung animal breeding) does not help humankind.  In fact, it hurts the rest of us.  So, please, spare us your little idiots.

Raise the Minimum Wage?  NO WAY!

The great debate is health care and unemployment and raising the minimum wage?  How do you think this came up?  Why are we even talking about these subjects?

The whole idea with children (or little adults) is to send them to school, then to college or encourage them to read or something so they can learn and become intelligent.  Then, they could get a decent-paying job.  Nowadays, intelligence is rare.  How did that happen?  Common sense is rare.  Oy vey!  So now we have to raise the minimum wage because these nimrods can’t feed their nimrod children?  Why did they reproduce anyway? 

When I worked at McDonalds as a teen, I could hardly afford the gas and insurance on my crappy car.  What makes these idiots think they can feed an entire family on this wage?  And raising it will not help the underlying problem.  It only softens the symptoms.  

The Underlying Problem

Let’s be honest here… the underlying problem is not that there aren’t enough jobs or high wages.  It’s that these lower breed of people are multiplying at an alarming rate.

Real Life Situation

My neighbor is dim-witted, she married another dim-wit and together (surprise!), they had a very, very dim-witted son.  Now, the two dim-wits are no longer together.  But, alas, she has found another dim-wit to call step father to her dim-witted son.  I would think there would be a short supply of certifiable dim-wits, but, no, there is quite an abundance.  Yay for the rest of us! *groan* 

They Give Nothing Back to Society

Do we need to fund more children from this woman?

·         Who do you think pays for her son’s special after school classes (like Anger Management? Or Sociability 101?)? 
·         Who do you think pays the school fees because she can’t find a job (because no one will hire this woman who can’t even understand stocking shelves)? 
·         Who do you think pays her rent, food, living expenses? 

We do (indirectly through the system, but we do)!  And this is just one family.   Imagine all the other “special” families we’re providing for?  And why?  So they can merely exist?  They reciprocate nothing back to society.

Think on that one.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Lisa Tofts is not one of my friends. I do not know her. Her views on the “Box” sound like that of an insulated bitch who lacks compassion. She may soon be bitten by the future. Karma can be the only bitch.
    In visiting her son in jail she meets his partner who would like to discuss her son’s huge mother issues. She becomes detained, because the jailers cannot believe anyone other than an inmate would scream at them about “Pussy Attitudes”. She is thrown in the hole with only white bread and water. Her new guards are uninterested in how things are done in prison “out west”. Her son leaves prison and writes a best seller, “Raised by a Pit Bull” and becomes a beloved anarchist.
    Her daughter makes millions on a gluten free suppository called “Up Yours” and starts an unwed mother shelter in every state and province except BC and Alberta.
    L.M. Tofts, correction # 6941 is released in New Brunswick in 2029 and immediately goes into the work reintroduction program. Set up by Brian Alward II the program is a pay as you go, personal education in the cutting of soft wood for paper pulp. Private prisons are the centre piece of the Semiprogressive Conservative Party of NB. Ms. Tofts immediately joins the NDP.